Total Pageviews

Friday, April 20, 2012

passing out, again

Frank:

I don't have the willpower not to read about Breivik... if there's an article in the New York Times about him, I'll be reading it.  One interesting thing that came up in the trial so far is that he credits the hundreds of hours he spent paying a video game called Call of Duty: Modern Warfare for helping him hone his shooting skills. Apparently,  the game's holographic sight is very realistic. “You could give the sight to your grandmother and she would become a supermarksman,” he said.

That's interesting you bought the "Blind Dog" coffee.  I thought you were sold on the Costco brand.  Did you ever try that Vietnamese coffee making gadget I sent you?

You should be a salesman for that vacuum packing gadget you're always raving about.  You could have a stand at traveling carnivals, midways and fairs, between the stand selling deep fried "blooming onions" and a ring toss game.  I remember being at a carnival when I was a kid -- actually, come to think of it, I was probably about twenty -- and really enjoying a knife salesman who was selling fairly inexpensive knives that he was making all sorts of incredible claims about.  He was a great showman.    The only thing we ever have in our freezer here is ice cream, frozen peas, frozen corn, and ice cubes.  Nothing we're eagerly anticipating thawing out months down the line, with no freezer burn.

That's good that Jerry Brown seems to be tackling California's budget problems in a sustained, reasonable way.  It's actually been a long time since I've read or heard any news about California politics or Jerry Brown, or anything like that. You don't get much news coverage about California on the east coast, and I suppose the reverse it true as well.  I kind of forgot "Governor Moonbeam" was in office.  He's an interesting guy, and it's great he got re-elected and is doing well.

I don't know if I ever mentioned this, but I have a long and distinguished record of passing out in various situations and places, everywhere from airplanes to cocktail parties.  I've probably passed out at least eight times, with a few other maybes (such as the time I collapsed onto the deck of the boat after Steve and Martha took us fishing in Monterey Bay... did I pass out or just fall asleep?)  I added another pass-out event to my repertoire yesterday.  I was at a skin doctor's office, having a quarter-sized lesion cut off my shoulder, at the back.  It's actually a form of skin cancer, but a very benign, non-spreading one.  I probably got it from my annual frying-in-the-sun when your mom used to take us to the beach in the summer.  I was sitting in the doctor's exam chair, and he first injected me several times with some numbing chemical, which was painful in itself.  I don't think he used enough, because it was distinctly painful when he was cutting the thing out.  That would have been okay, but he did this cutting process repeatedly, each time a long slow cut like someone taking a big chunk from a large wheel of cheese.  That might have been okay, except that after that, he was cauterizing the wound with some sort of electronic zapper/burner, and that also was painful and strange.  And even that might have been okay, except the whole time, he was talking on and on about the Red Sox.  (I had gotten him started by asking him about a framed Ted Williams baseball hanging in a display case on his wall.)  There was something very disturbing about the combination of pain, the cutting and burning, and having to listen to an arcane monologue about the Red Sox at the same time.  So at a certain point I felt lightheaded and I told him I was dizzy and needed to take a break.  The next thing you know I was in a different dimension -- one that I know well -- where there was a loud buzzing, and the sound of voices that seemed to be coming from very far off, and seemingly muffled by blankets.  And then after what seemed like a long time, the sensation of rising up, like a balloon rising up slowly from the depths of the ocean.  The doctor told me I was out for about five seconds, and my eyes remained open, but totally glazed over.  Fortunately, I gave him the warning, so he was able to crank the chair down so I was lying flat, or I probably would have pitched forward onto the floor.... like on the boat.  Well, that's one way to get someone to stop talking about the Red Sox.

--edward

No comments:

Post a Comment