Everything you said is true. Except maybe the part about women not getting to play. It's true that women look at a lot of the play-type things men do and think, "Ugh, how dumb!" but they get their play-time good feelings from social interactions. The very stuff that men look at and think, "Ugh, how dumb!" But the women are living it up, and a lot of it has to do with making fun of the men in their lives. Have you ever listened to a bunch of women sitting around with other women, just saying and doing women things? They're having a blast. The guys are earnestly running around out there playing with their RC planes and helicopters, and the women are on the porch drinking wine coolers and talking about what the guys look like with their clothes off, and exploding with laughter.
All this stuff about play makes me think about my experience down in the Sawgrass community in Florida, that gated community where, once you pass the guard station, and the wall that rings the entire little "town" -- a wall that is so cleverly camouflaged that you don't even realize it's there -- you are suddenly in a kind of permanent play world. Everything is perfectly landscaped and charming, and only the right kind of playmates are found there.... affable, white, sportily dressed, unthreatening people. The two central features to the community are play areas -- the tennis club (which includes other play activities such as squash, a swimming pool, and so on) and of course the golf course, which is the central theme of the whole place. The residents are weirdly friendly and happy-acting, though I'm sure I wouldn't have felt that vibe if I were, say, latino. Anyway, I found the whole experience deeply disturbing, mostly because I was thinking, "Is this really what life is about? Have I missed the boat?" It was actually a kind of jealousy thing. In my experience, life involves a lot of pain, struggle, confusion. Is it all meaningless suffering, that would all vanish like a silly dream if I just got inside the gate and took up......golf?
In the end, I know a secure life of endless golf wouldn't work for me. Maybe it works for other people, maybe not. I don't know. It reminds me of when I was school teaching. I always taught in a wild, undisciplined, hilarious way, and sometime the kids got so worked up in that stimulating environment that behavior was a problem. I used to threaten them that if they didn't settle down, I was going to completely change, and become quiet, docile, totally organized, and civilized. I remember one time I said that and tears started running down this one little girl's cheeks. But deep down I knew there was no way I could possibly change like that; I couldn't even pull it off for one day.
The French guy we were traveling with in Italy said an interesting thing to me, while we were hiking. He said, "I think it's not possible to be happy unless you are generous to others." I wonder if that is true. Actually, I don't think there is such a thing as a person being essentially happy or sad, it's always a mixture of both. Happiness gives way to sadness, and sadness gives way to happiness, just like life leads to death, and death leads to life. I'm not even trying to be happy any more, because I know I'll get my share of both happiness and sadness, no matter what. I'd like to live an essentially brave, fulfilled life, though. To me, that is essentially a religious or spiritual matter.
--edward
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